SMALL TALK 3

“Y’know that nursery rhyme ‘bout Jack and Jill,” mused Arwen, “Have you ever wondered about its, well, implications?”

“How do you mean?” asked Tamzin.

“Well, first of all we’re told they went up a hill.”

“So?” questioned Tamzin.

“To fetch a pail of water! Doesn’t it strike you as a bit odd to go UP a hill to get water? Are you not much more likely to find it DOWN in the valley, where the streams and rivers run?”

Tamzin thought for a moment. “Yes. True. But then again you DO sometimes get springs coming out on hillsides. Perhaps their hill had such… Or maybe even a well.”

“Hmm,” muttered Arwen, “Anyway, then catastrophe. Jack falls and ‘breaks his crown’. Some sort of nasty head wound by the sounds of things. I reckon they must have gotten the water and have been on their way down. More likely to slip and fall then. And Jill DID come tumbling after. Probably pulled her down as he fell, with her clutching the other side of the bucket, like.”

“Seems a likely account to me,” said Tamzin. “Bucket must have been very heavy for those wee children. But I wouldn’t exaggerate that head wound. I mean, Jack was able to run home as fast as he could caper. Doesn’t sound like the walking wounded to me. And although he went to bed to get better, his wound was dressed only with brown paper and vinegar. No need for several stitches and stuff.”

“Must have been short on bandages and plasters, though, if you ask me,” said Arwen. “I s’pose brown paper is fairly clean if unused. And as for vinegar, that IS an acid so probably acted a bit like a disinfectant. I heard on the telly that it kills some bacteria.”

“Clearly better than nowt, then,” said Tamzin. “But what about poor Jill. Nothing more said. Was she left lying injured on that hill. Unconscious even? Not a word—just that she also fell. Feminists would have something to say about that. It’s all about Jack—and Jill completely neglected.”

“Yep. And not an adult in sight, you notice. A possible example of improper use of child labour. Matter for the Social Services, I’d say,” added Arwen.

“Anyway, in the end those neglectful parents would have had to go thirsty,” continued Tamzin. “Serves ‘em right!”

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